I arrived early last tuesday morning at the Bethesda BISA complex, which has grown over the past month to include numerous surrounding buildings as well as new construction. Trolling the grounds were people of all demographics, many of whom swapees, but all seeking answers. The directorial staff of BISA, including Drs. Arthur Gulf and Howard Bergman, would hopefully provide.
When Dr. Arthur Gulf took the podium alongside a small latin girl, I could virtually immediately sense what the first item of discussion would be. The girl stepped up to the podium and spoke.
Earlier this month, she explained, the bodies of Dr. Howard Bergman and 12-year-old Manuella Perez of Mexico City, Mexico, were swapped. At this time, the mind of Dr. Bergman, in the body of Miss Perez, would be fulfilling Bergman's duties at BISA.
The wording seemed odd to me, and they were pressed to explain. "We have reason to believe that the swaps are, in fact, a temporary inversion of psyches. That through some yet-unknown catalyst, one person's identity is temporarily washed onto another's and vice versa, but will very likely become supressed and negated."
This got a generally positive reaction from the crowd, except for a few Church of the Holy Redeemer supporters, who booed audibly.
Questioned as to when this would occur, Bergman explained they had no idea. Their most conservative estimate was that within a year of the first swap, early swapees might be restored. However, a more likely scenario is that it could take many years for all or most of the swaps to be reversed, and that's assuming they reach a "breaking point" after which they slow or stop altogether.
"Much is still not known," Gulf explained, "but we are expanding our knowledge by leaps and bounds each and every day."
Now that the BISA infrastructure is in place on five continents, about 20 major cities with offices established or in development, swaps should be accepted as a very normal part of life, albeit one that brings numerous surprises and inconveniences.
Bergman said she did not know at this time what would become of swapees whose original bodies had died. They may stay as they are, or it is quite possible they will revert, depending on the still-unknown nature of the "de-swap" process. If it involves a maintained connection between the two, then severing that conncetion may prevent de-swapping. If it involves the swapee merely "remembering" his or her original identity, there is not much to worry about.
Beyond that, there were a number of roundtable discussions, panels, workshops for people who had been swapped. Most notably, a group for those who had inherited addictions from their swap-partner, whether to cigarettes or heroin. Many of those people were in bad shape.
The Church was attempting to recruit. There was a preview trailer, met with thunderous applause, for an upcoming film about the swaps featuring numerous actors who have been swapped, including America Ferrera and Matt Damon (who will take on Ferrera's role on ABC's "Ugly Betty" this fall.)
I saw my friend Nick at the conference, and we got a cup of coffee. She has been absent from the blog recently, and told me it was because she was "dealing with stuff, and some of what I'm hearing here is only making me feel worse." She also asked I keep our conversation private and off-the-record, which I am only slightly ignoring.
On the last day, a Volkswagen pulled up to me on the street, driven by a young African-American woman. She got out of the car, leaned against it and told me, "You're a tough guy to track down."
I looked at her and asked her if I knew her (because at these events you never know,) and she said we had met once before, at a support group on Ohio. I thought back and told her I didn't remember her (and my entry seems to confirm this, since I described everyone there and no African-American woman was among them.) She pulled out a pack of Camel cigarettes, which I remembered seeing a man there smoke.
"I've been in this body for almost a week and I still can't smoke these sumbitches without coughing," she said as she lit the cigarette in her lips.
She could not be the man I had met there; he'd told me he had already swapped, and I see no reason why he would have lied. There has not been a documented case of a person swapping twice, but this woman carried herself, with the same hunched shoulders, titled head and curled lips of the man I had met in Canton who refused to tell his name.
"Just who are you?" I asked her.
"You want to interview me, right?" she smiled. I told her I was actually on my way to the airport, so she took out a business card (which read "Mary Patton Designs") and scribbled something on the back; a pager number and the letter Q.
"Let me know when you wanna talk, 'kay sugar?"
With that, she flicked her cigarette down and coughed, extinguishing it with her open-toed shoe and got back in to drive away.
On the plane-ride home, I furiously scribbled my notes and about a dozen question I thought this Q person might be able to answer. I have yet to hear back.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Friday, May 18, 2007
No news is good news
There will not be a real update until Tuesday, or maybe next Friday. Nick might send in another blog entry, but she's been kind of a recluse lately. The reason for this is that I'm going on a brief "summer vacation" (although I know it's still spring.) First, down to Bethesda for a conference at BISA, then a little R&R getaway. It's a Canadian long weekend, and I'm making it longer.
Still, there's always something going on. I have a few stories lined up for later once I get back. I'm sure Dr. Gulf and Dr. Bergman will have plenty to tell me. And of course, if you're dying to get in touch, you can leave a comment or e-mail your questions/swap stories to Ken Moorehead (who has very graciously allowed me to drop his personal e-mail on here for weeks now and has gotten very little of the credit he deserves.)
The last thing I wanted to say was that Newsweek recently did a cover story on gender. They actually contacted me and I spoke briefly to their reporter, because of my previous project but nothing I said was too relevant to the angle of the article. One of the unsolved mysteries of the Swap phenomenon is that 70% of them occur across gender lines (a number which has held consistent as the swaps have increased.) Most puzzling, to me especially, has been that the reaction has not been... consistent. And why should it be?
You have the Frickmans, an early swap case, a husband and wife who had the fortune to be swapped when in the throes of passion. Apparently, the lingering effect was that the new Mrs. Frickman took very enthusiastically to her wifely duties. Then of course there is Nick, who has been a woman for about two months now and yet wouldn't consider herself as such if you spoke to her (and remains quite convincing as "gender neutral.") Meanwhile, the person in Nick's body, Traci, has very gradually toughened up and become "male," but it was gradual. So you've got a number of alternative possibilities for when these swaps occur.
If gender is, as the article postulates (and I agree) hardwired into the brain by physiology and environment, I wonder what effect it truly has on the swapees? Do the hormones of the new body overrule the old instincts? And what about everyone looking at you and talking to you differently? You would certainly think, wouldn't you, that the swaps would be creating transgendered individuals - crossdressers, people on the waiting list of surgery, etc - but by and large, people are just getting on with their lives.
Hopefully I'll be able to pick Dr. Bergman's brain about it.
Still, there's always something going on. I have a few stories lined up for later once I get back. I'm sure Dr. Gulf and Dr. Bergman will have plenty to tell me. And of course, if you're dying to get in touch, you can leave a comment or e-mail your questions/swap stories to Ken Moorehead (who has very graciously allowed me to drop his personal e-mail on here for weeks now and has gotten very little of the credit he deserves.)
The last thing I wanted to say was that Newsweek recently did a cover story on gender. They actually contacted me and I spoke briefly to their reporter, because of my previous project but nothing I said was too relevant to the angle of the article. One of the unsolved mysteries of the Swap phenomenon is that 70% of them occur across gender lines (a number which has held consistent as the swaps have increased.) Most puzzling, to me especially, has been that the reaction has not been... consistent. And why should it be?
You have the Frickmans, an early swap case, a husband and wife who had the fortune to be swapped when in the throes of passion. Apparently, the lingering effect was that the new Mrs. Frickman took very enthusiastically to her wifely duties. Then of course there is Nick, who has been a woman for about two months now and yet wouldn't consider herself as such if you spoke to her (and remains quite convincing as "gender neutral.") Meanwhile, the person in Nick's body, Traci, has very gradually toughened up and become "male," but it was gradual. So you've got a number of alternative possibilities for when these swaps occur.
If gender is, as the article postulates (and I agree) hardwired into the brain by physiology and environment, I wonder what effect it truly has on the swapees? Do the hormones of the new body overrule the old instincts? And what about everyone looking at you and talking to you differently? You would certainly think, wouldn't you, that the swaps would be creating transgendered individuals - crossdressers, people on the waiting list of surgery, etc - but by and large, people are just getting on with their lives.
Hopefully I'll be able to pick Dr. Bergman's brain about it.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Swapee wins 2007 Wii Playoff Championship
Kyle Walchuk, 23, won this past weekend's National Wii playoff in Bethesda, MD. Six weeks ago, Detroit native Walchuk was swapped with 17-year-old Maria Cassini, a native of St. Louis, MO but whose parents emigrated from Rome, Italy shortly before her birth.
"After the swap I didn't really want to go out," said Walchuk, whose profession is listed as 'poker player.' "Didn't want the world to see me, so I stayed in and practiced my Wii. [Cassini's] body has pretty good co-ordination, and I was doing even better than I had before."
Walchuk's intense practising helped, as she had already signed up for the Spring Tournament for the Nintendo console. The year before, Walchuk had placed third in the National Guitar Hero tournament after placing second in the Detroit regionals.
In this 3-day tournament, Walchuk's crowning achievement was finishing the Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess in only 64 hours of play, a remarkable achievement given that its own programmers took an average of 70.
"Maybe the swap helped improve my game," laughs Walchuk, "I don't know, but I can tell you that playing non-stop helped me. It reminded me that I can still do all the things I like doing."
The win was a little surprising to Cassini who says that he had "Little to no talent" in video games as a kid, although he modestly admits, "It was something my brothers liked doing and I kind of wished I could get into."
Cassini has also been embarrassed by the media attention received by his former body. "Kyle is a skinny guy, but in my old body I'd been putting on the pounds. [She] looks okay, probably after sitting around, playing and not eating much, but I was up near 160 Lbs before the swap and [she's] still got my gut."
Walchuk doesn't seem to mind, laughing, "I'm not here to be a model or a beauty queen. I'm here to kick ass," also noting that having a shapely figure helps fend off otherwise sex-starved gamers. "I know how those guys can be - I'm one of them!"
"After the swap I didn't really want to go out," said Walchuk, whose profession is listed as 'poker player.' "Didn't want the world to see me, so I stayed in and practiced my Wii. [Cassini's] body has pretty good co-ordination, and I was doing even better than I had before."
Walchuk's intense practising helped, as she had already signed up for the Spring Tournament for the Nintendo console. The year before, Walchuk had placed third in the National Guitar Hero tournament after placing second in the Detroit regionals.
In this 3-day tournament, Walchuk's crowning achievement was finishing the Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess in only 64 hours of play, a remarkable achievement given that its own programmers took an average of 70.
"Maybe the swap helped improve my game," laughs Walchuk, "I don't know, but I can tell you that playing non-stop helped me. It reminded me that I can still do all the things I like doing."
The win was a little surprising to Cassini who says that he had "Little to no talent" in video games as a kid, although he modestly admits, "It was something my brothers liked doing and I kind of wished I could get into."
Cassini has also been embarrassed by the media attention received by his former body. "Kyle is a skinny guy, but in my old body I'd been putting on the pounds. [She] looks okay, probably after sitting around, playing and not eating much, but I was up near 160 Lbs before the swap and [she's] still got my gut."
Walchuk doesn't seem to mind, laughing, "I'm not here to be a model or a beauty queen. I'm here to kick ass," also noting that having a shapely figure helps fend off otherwise sex-starved gamers. "I know how those guys can be - I'm one of them!"
Friday, May 11, 2007
Briefs: 2007 to be "Summer of the Swap"
June 21st, the first day of summer, will has been named by the BISA to be "Swap Awareness Day 2007," as preliminary estimates suggest to officials that 2007 will be the "Summer of the Swap."
"Our working theory," explains BISA's Dr. Howard Bergman, "Is that climate and temperature has an effect on the number of swaps that occur. As the summer heats up in North America, we may be seeing more swaps than ever before."
Bergman explains that during the winter months, swaps were far more common in areas in the southern United States, Australia, and Brazil. As spring wore on, temperate areas such as the coastal United States (particularly the Pacific Northwest,) Canada, England, mainland Europe and Japan were affected more and more.
BISA is still far from learning what factors induce a swap, or determine who is swapped with whom. They hope to refine their current theories by "Swap Awareness Day" in order to further spread awareness.
BISA reminds people that, to their knowledge, it is impossible to be swapped twice, although a swap could strike any two people, regardless of physical type of georgraphy, at any waking moment. Nobody has yet been swapped while sleeping, however.
Bergman also warns to avoid supposed "swap protection," a scam presented as a method of avoiding being swapped. "Protection" may come in the form of machinery (most often a cannibalized TiVo or Wireless Router,) medication (usually sugar pills, prozac, or vitamins) or even hypnosis. There is no remedy for a swap, only acceptance and conditioning once it has occurred.
Swaps currently affect one in every 2000 people in North America, one in 10 000 worldwide. The North American number may drop as low as one in 500 by August.
"Our working theory," explains BISA's Dr. Howard Bergman, "Is that climate and temperature has an effect on the number of swaps that occur. As the summer heats up in North America, we may be seeing more swaps than ever before."
Bergman explains that during the winter months, swaps were far more common in areas in the southern United States, Australia, and Brazil. As spring wore on, temperate areas such as the coastal United States (particularly the Pacific Northwest,) Canada, England, mainland Europe and Japan were affected more and more.
BISA is still far from learning what factors induce a swap, or determine who is swapped with whom. They hope to refine their current theories by "Swap Awareness Day" in order to further spread awareness.
BISA reminds people that, to their knowledge, it is impossible to be swapped twice, although a swap could strike any two people, regardless of physical type of georgraphy, at any waking moment. Nobody has yet been swapped while sleeping, however.
Bergman also warns to avoid supposed "swap protection," a scam presented as a method of avoiding being swapped. "Protection" may come in the form of machinery (most often a cannibalized TiVo or Wireless Router,) medication (usually sugar pills, prozac, or vitamins) or even hypnosis. There is no remedy for a swap, only acceptance and conditioning once it has occurred.
Swaps currently affect one in every 2000 people in North America, one in 10 000 worldwide. The North American number may drop as low as one in 500 by August.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Nick: Testosterone...
Must be a very powerful thing. Without it, I've been a much more docile person, whereas Terri has been going full-throttle on this whole "man" thing.
On the weekend, we went down to the theatre to see Spider-Man 3. It was sort of a double-date you could say, because I brought Cherie and Traci brought Rose, this girl from his work. It was, in a word, awwwwwwkward.
The story there goes that they knew each other just a little bit when Traci was the receptionist, but weren't on much more than a "Hello, good morning, cute top" basis. Then Traci got my body and moved to the mail room where he sees her more and the conversations increased to what neither of them realized was flirting. Then Traci realized he liked girls and, after screwing around just a little bit, decided to take the big step. Rose decided to enter our weird little world.
So they're holding hands, and Cherrie and I are walking behind them kind of making fun because we're both single. It's mid-afternoon on Saturday and the Bloor area is full of construction workers, because the Ontario Museum has been undergoing renovations, like, forever. And these guys see me and Cherie and start this lame slow clap and a few wolf whistles. I didn't realize the cliche about construction guys was a fact. I guess they get to see a lot of women walk by every day. I'm not even sure I would have condoned this behaviour when I was a man, let alone now that I'm receiving it. Cherie just shrugged it off but I was nauseated and couldn't concentrate on the movie. Still though, I thought they did a decent enough job even if it didn't live up tot he second one. topher Grce needed more screen time, but you know James Franco really had some good scenes (even if the amnesia bit was totally hokey.)
I've been staying with Cherie more and more, as Traci's place becomes less and less girl-friendly. Maybe it's not even that, but it's just not roommate-friendly, as he keeps having Rose over to all hours. Cherie's a bigger place, too, with a comfier sofa.
But I do still live with Traci and the morning after that I sat down and had a serious talk with him.
"So how do you like Rose?" I asked, affecting the tone of a gossipy girl.
"Oh she's great," he beamed, "Smart, funny, and so pretty. God, she's great. She's everything I ever looked for in a person, even though..."
He paused and I finished the thought, "She's a woman."
"Yeah." He looked a little ashamed. "Do you think it's weird that I'm, dating a girl?"
I had to think. "I don't know. Because I know that's my old body and I guess it liked girls that much."
"But I wouldn't be doing it unless I really wanted to do, right?" he seemed really unsure of himself, for perhaps the first time, "I mean, your body isn't controlling me, I just want a different thing, don't I? Do you think?"
"I can't say," I told him, "I mean, I wore at the BISA but I'm not one of their scientists. I'm as clueless as you are."
He changed his tone back to the fond faraway one. "She makes me so happy."
"Then shouldn't that be all that matters?"
He nodded. "It's not just in my pants, either. I don't think so, anyway."
I rolled my eyes. Contrary to some women's beliefs, men are capable of having feelings elsewhere. Traci's learning this firsthand. Still though, the pants are a good place to start.
"So you're really attracted to her," I asked.
"Well yeah, aren't you? I mean... wouldn't you be?"
"I think so. It's hard to remember." I sighed. It was time to ask a really tough question. "When you're a woman... how do you know you're attracted to someone?"
"I guess it's not so obvious," he laughed. "But it's still easy to tell, Nick. You just get this feeling. Like your blood rushing faster. You just like to be near that person. They make you feel good and you think about them a lot. You just... know."
Blood runs faster? Like to be near? Just know?
Oh God... I think I'm in trouble.
On the weekend, we went down to the theatre to see Spider-Man 3. It was sort of a double-date you could say, because I brought Cherie and Traci brought Rose, this girl from his work. It was, in a word, awwwwwwkward.
The story there goes that they knew each other just a little bit when Traci was the receptionist, but weren't on much more than a "Hello, good morning, cute top" basis. Then Traci got my body and moved to the mail room where he sees her more and the conversations increased to what neither of them realized was flirting. Then Traci realized he liked girls and, after screwing around just a little bit, decided to take the big step. Rose decided to enter our weird little world.
So they're holding hands, and Cherrie and I are walking behind them kind of making fun because we're both single. It's mid-afternoon on Saturday and the Bloor area is full of construction workers, because the Ontario Museum has been undergoing renovations, like, forever. And these guys see me and Cherie and start this lame slow clap and a few wolf whistles. I didn't realize the cliche about construction guys was a fact. I guess they get to see a lot of women walk by every day. I'm not even sure I would have condoned this behaviour when I was a man, let alone now that I'm receiving it. Cherie just shrugged it off but I was nauseated and couldn't concentrate on the movie. Still though, I thought they did a decent enough job even if it didn't live up tot he second one. topher Grce needed more screen time, but you know James Franco really had some good scenes (even if the amnesia bit was totally hokey.)
I've been staying with Cherie more and more, as Traci's place becomes less and less girl-friendly. Maybe it's not even that, but it's just not roommate-friendly, as he keeps having Rose over to all hours. Cherie's a bigger place, too, with a comfier sofa.
But I do still live with Traci and the morning after that I sat down and had a serious talk with him.
"So how do you like Rose?" I asked, affecting the tone of a gossipy girl.
"Oh she's great," he beamed, "Smart, funny, and so pretty. God, she's great. She's everything I ever looked for in a person, even though..."
He paused and I finished the thought, "She's a woman."
"Yeah." He looked a little ashamed. "Do you think it's weird that I'm, dating a girl?"
I had to think. "I don't know. Because I know that's my old body and I guess it liked girls that much."
"But I wouldn't be doing it unless I really wanted to do, right?" he seemed really unsure of himself, for perhaps the first time, "I mean, your body isn't controlling me, I just want a different thing, don't I? Do you think?"
"I can't say," I told him, "I mean, I wore at the BISA but I'm not one of their scientists. I'm as clueless as you are."
He changed his tone back to the fond faraway one. "She makes me so happy."
"Then shouldn't that be all that matters?"
He nodded. "It's not just in my pants, either. I don't think so, anyway."
I rolled my eyes. Contrary to some women's beliefs, men are capable of having feelings elsewhere. Traci's learning this firsthand. Still though, the pants are a good place to start.
"So you're really attracted to her," I asked.
"Well yeah, aren't you? I mean... wouldn't you be?"
"I think so. It's hard to remember." I sighed. It was time to ask a really tough question. "When you're a woman... how do you know you're attracted to someone?"
"I guess it's not so obvious," he laughed. "But it's still easy to tell, Nick. You just get this feeling. Like your blood rushing faster. You just like to be near that person. They make you feel good and you think about them a lot. You just... know."
Blood runs faster? Like to be near? Just know?
Oh God... I think I'm in trouble.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Friends, family, fellow swapees mourn Brian Silkin
Brian Silkin, 28, died in a hospital early on Thurs May 3, 2007 of cardiac arrest. Brian had, in february, been swapped into the body of 61-year-old Mae Arnold, who had a history of health issues.
"Brian was still living like a young man," said tearful mother Karen Silkin, "He didn't realize that he had to make a lifestyle change, even though he kept feeling sick."
Brian's father adds, "It shouldn't have been his time."
The death shines a light of a tragic effect of swaps, the loss of life that is undeserved. Only a handful of swapees have died thus far, but a growing number of peoples are being swapped every day, often as in the case of Brian into older and more fragile bodies.
"This is why we need to educate and inform," said BISA spokesperson Arthur Gulf, "When you have been swapped, you are a different person and you're sadly not invincible. You have the same limitations as the previous owner of that body and you must respect that."
Though Brian, in Ms. Arnold's body may hve had many more years had he kept healthy, one cannot ignore the fact that, had he lived until the body was 80, would not have yet been 50 in the mind.
Dorothy Winchell, an employee at the Toronto BISA, was nearing retirement when she was swapped with 11-year-old Carrie Wong. Winchell says she stays very close to the Wong family, ensuring that Carrie is well cared for. "I would hate for something to happen to that poor girl because of my body."
The original Mae Arnold, who now stands 6'1 and has the body of an ex-College baseball MVP, had very little contact with Brian following the swap, saying "I had no idea that was how he was behaving."
"I hope a cure or something is found before too long," Arnold said, "It's too late for Brian and too late for me, I suppose, but there are so many others in trouble. We cannot continue to live life with this as a constant in the background."
A memorial service will be held Monday morning where friends and family will say goodbye to Brian.
"Brian was still living like a young man," said tearful mother Karen Silkin, "He didn't realize that he had to make a lifestyle change, even though he kept feeling sick."
Brian's father adds, "It shouldn't have been his time."
The death shines a light of a tragic effect of swaps, the loss of life that is undeserved. Only a handful of swapees have died thus far, but a growing number of peoples are being swapped every day, often as in the case of Brian into older and more fragile bodies.
"This is why we need to educate and inform," said BISA spokesperson Arthur Gulf, "When you have been swapped, you are a different person and you're sadly not invincible. You have the same limitations as the previous owner of that body and you must respect that."
Though Brian, in Ms. Arnold's body may hve had many more years had he kept healthy, one cannot ignore the fact that, had he lived until the body was 80, would not have yet been 50 in the mind.
Dorothy Winchell, an employee at the Toronto BISA, was nearing retirement when she was swapped with 11-year-old Carrie Wong. Winchell says she stays very close to the Wong family, ensuring that Carrie is well cared for. "I would hate for something to happen to that poor girl because of my body."
The original Mae Arnold, who now stands 6'1 and has the body of an ex-College baseball MVP, had very little contact with Brian following the swap, saying "I had no idea that was how he was behaving."
"I hope a cure or something is found before too long," Arnold said, "It's too late for Brian and too late for me, I suppose, but there are so many others in trouble. We cannot continue to live life with this as a constant in the background."
A memorial service will be held Monday morning where friends and family will say goodbye to Brian.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Nick: Living in three dimensions
Although I've been living as a woman for over a month and a half now, I'm only aware of it 70% of the time. Most of these occur in the washroom, dressing room, or in serious social situations (such as bars.) The rest of the time, I'm just a guy, hanging out, who just happens to have a pair of breasts.
For what it's worth, the breasts I inherited from Traci aren't that big. A healthy B cup. There are times when I get really into my work or a video game or something and I forget they're there (which, given what I said in my first blog is a little troubling.) And then there are times when I pass guys by and I'll get the glance. I'm not offended, so long as there's no action or commentary toward them, I'm just uncomfortable being reminded what I look like now. given that the sun is starting to appear more and more, and my clothing has to reflect that, it's not going to get any better.
But for now, it's not even the breasts that are troubling me. It's something else. Prior to being a woman, I hadn't ever given much of a good goddamn about my diet. But I had to wonder what was going on when I sat down to lunch at my desk at work with a salad and Coke Zero.
Suddenly, I'm scared that my ass will get fat and I'll have to buy new clothes (which would mean shopping.) It's this indirect impetus for women to diet and keep fit so that they can stay fashionable and comfortable and stuff. It's unfair tht the garment industry is very specific when it comes to sizes. All I can do is shake my head and wonder why I was dragged into this.
So after I drop a piece of salad (complete with lo-cal dressing) on my blouse, a pink number that indicates I have to do the washing soon, I turn to my co-worker Dorothy and mutter, "You're lucky."
She eyeballs me and says, "Honey I could say the same thing about you."
Dorothy, who works at a desk in the same small office with me in a Data Management and Schedule Consulting (whatever THAT is) looks like a very sweet 11-year-old Chinese girl but is in fact well into her 50's. She proceeds to tell me that she was very close to retiring when she was dropped into a brand new, young, vital body to maintain, and had to take this job because nothing in her savings prepares her for the possibility of living another potential 60 years or more (should the swaps never be reversed, which I always hope they can around the 20th of the month.) She had to leave her boyfriend, a 61-year-old Stock executive who didn't want anything to do with such a little girl, even though they were living together. She's more hormonal than she'd been in years or decades and she gets absolutely no respect from people younger than her. She takes the glasses off her face and leans back, musing if it's wrong for her to go scope out the boys at the local middle school.
Most days, I hate being a woman, all the cosmetic and physiological inconviences it brings the male mind. But at least my life wasn't turned upside down like that. Those are some serious problems. I quietly finished eating my salad and continued to type up the weekly press briefing.
I was telling Cherrie, during our semi-daily coffee meeting, that swapees, in general, don't get to spend a lot of time trying to undo what's happened to them or mourn the loss of their old bodies. The more we learn day by day about the nature of swaps, the less we can think "OH what is this thing that's happening to me??" and the more we wonder, "How do I go about my life now?" That, I told her, might explain what Traci has been doing in my body... or rather, who.
He's been seeing a few girls, but not seriously. I hear him on the phone a lot because it makes my stomach turn. Sometimes it's because I wonder where these women were when that was my body. Sometimes, it's because it makes me afraid that I should, should want to, or will eventually, want to get into the scene. I haven't talked to him about how uncomfortable that makes me feel. "Excuse me, Traci, but could you please not have so much sex?" If he really is a guy now, he'll just laugh at me.
Cherrie, for her part, is reminding me that I don't need to compare myself to him. Maybe the male instincts of my old body are more overpowering than the female instincts of hers. That would probably be more terrifying than having to choose - being subject to the whims of foreign impulses. "Think of how scared he must have been the first time he got an erection," she reasons, speculating how confusing it must be to have your body overrule you like that. She's right, too - as near as I can figure, there's nothing about being a woman that grabs you in that way. Yessir, there's nothing quite like an erection.
-Nick
For what it's worth, the breasts I inherited from Traci aren't that big. A healthy B cup. There are times when I get really into my work or a video game or something and I forget they're there (which, given what I said in my first blog is a little troubling.) And then there are times when I pass guys by and I'll get the glance. I'm not offended, so long as there's no action or commentary toward them, I'm just uncomfortable being reminded what I look like now. given that the sun is starting to appear more and more, and my clothing has to reflect that, it's not going to get any better.
But for now, it's not even the breasts that are troubling me. It's something else. Prior to being a woman, I hadn't ever given much of a good goddamn about my diet. But I had to wonder what was going on when I sat down to lunch at my desk at work with a salad and Coke Zero.
Suddenly, I'm scared that my ass will get fat and I'll have to buy new clothes (which would mean shopping.) It's this indirect impetus for women to diet and keep fit so that they can stay fashionable and comfortable and stuff. It's unfair tht the garment industry is very specific when it comes to sizes. All I can do is shake my head and wonder why I was dragged into this.
So after I drop a piece of salad (complete with lo-cal dressing) on my blouse, a pink number that indicates I have to do the washing soon, I turn to my co-worker Dorothy and mutter, "You're lucky."
She eyeballs me and says, "Honey I could say the same thing about you."
Dorothy, who works at a desk in the same small office with me in a Data Management and Schedule Consulting (whatever THAT is) looks like a very sweet 11-year-old Chinese girl but is in fact well into her 50's. She proceeds to tell me that she was very close to retiring when she was dropped into a brand new, young, vital body to maintain, and had to take this job because nothing in her savings prepares her for the possibility of living another potential 60 years or more (should the swaps never be reversed, which I always hope they can around the 20th of the month.) She had to leave her boyfriend, a 61-year-old Stock executive who didn't want anything to do with such a little girl, even though they were living together. She's more hormonal than she'd been in years or decades and she gets absolutely no respect from people younger than her. She takes the glasses off her face and leans back, musing if it's wrong for her to go scope out the boys at the local middle school.
Most days, I hate being a woman, all the cosmetic and physiological inconviences it brings the male mind. But at least my life wasn't turned upside down like that. Those are some serious problems. I quietly finished eating my salad and continued to type up the weekly press briefing.
I was telling Cherrie, during our semi-daily coffee meeting, that swapees, in general, don't get to spend a lot of time trying to undo what's happened to them or mourn the loss of their old bodies. The more we learn day by day about the nature of swaps, the less we can think "OH what is this thing that's happening to me??" and the more we wonder, "How do I go about my life now?" That, I told her, might explain what Traci has been doing in my body... or rather, who.
He's been seeing a few girls, but not seriously. I hear him on the phone a lot because it makes my stomach turn. Sometimes it's because I wonder where these women were when that was my body. Sometimes, it's because it makes me afraid that I should, should want to, or will eventually, want to get into the scene. I haven't talked to him about how uncomfortable that makes me feel. "Excuse me, Traci, but could you please not have so much sex?" If he really is a guy now, he'll just laugh at me.
Cherrie, for her part, is reminding me that I don't need to compare myself to him. Maybe the male instincts of my old body are more overpowering than the female instincts of hers. That would probably be more terrifying than having to choose - being subject to the whims of foreign impulses. "Think of how scared he must have been the first time he got an erection," she reasons, speculating how confusing it must be to have your body overrule you like that. She's right, too - as near as I can figure, there's nothing about being a woman that grabs you in that way. Yessir, there's nothing quite like an erection.
-Nick
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)